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A Kept Secret- The Other Woman
A Kept Secret… The Other Woman
Over the last few years, it is not rare to hear a woman say “a good man is hard to find”. Matter of fact, nowadays it’s even easier to hear a woman say that good men don’t even exist. But the question that remains is… how did this ‘supposed’ extinction come about in the first place? Now, while it would be easy to speak on the many issues that women are currently faced with concerning men, I want to explore another trend that may be stifling our ability to actually find “a good man”, “The Other Woman”! Let’s not speak about how the “other woman” is affecting the pool of eligible men out there, but more importantly that so many of us women have become comfortable with not only accepting but maintaining that title alone, as if it’s truly enough.
Ladies, whether you truly want to admit it or not, we have ALL been the other woman. Now how long and how far you allowed this to continue is your own business, but it’s time that we all stop hatin’ on, blaming and degrading the next chick for something that we do ourselves. After all, how can we get mad at a man for cheating; whether it’s on us, a close friend, or anyone else… if we, at some point in time, have provided the opportunity? And it’s funny because so many times we fall into this mind frame of “I don’t give a …” because we’re getting what we want regardless. But if you really think about it… are we?
Having experienced being the other woman both by choice and by circumstance; I’m not exactly sure that we are [getting what we want, that is]. I mean, unless you’re able yourself to truly detach yourself emotionally (and it can be done, don’t get me wrong), then you’ll always in some way receive the short end of the stick. But let’s just be honest here… a lot of women are truly incapable of separating sex and emotions and therefore, engaging in a relationship as the other woman, is simply setting themselves up for failure. Realistically speaking, a man who is continuing a relationship with more than one woman can NOT be considered a good man anyway because there is a sneaky and dishonest nature about him. So why are we so willing to sacrifice our peace and sanity for unworthy men?
Now, there are a lot of times when women will say “Well, I know what’s going on so that’s ‘her’ problem”. But let’s just take a look back at that infamous (scene) from Baby Boy where Jody clearly says, “…I lie to you cause I love you. Being honest would mean I don’t give a f*ck. I tell the hoes the truth and I lie to you because I care about your feelings”. It gives you something to think about doesn’t it? There just may be some truth in that statement and an explanation for us females to grasp this seemingly complex rationale behind most men’s actions and behaviors.
But let’s not escape from the point that as “the other woman”, as much as we are accepting of the fact… we are truly allowing ourselves to honor the belief that it’s a man’s world so he can have, eat, and share his cake as he pleases. How fair is that to us as women? Of course, we as “other women” often initially get tangled into the web of confusion based on the many, and I do mean MANY, lies that men tell. And once caught up in the trap and the truth is revealed, emotions are already entangled so we succumb to the situation in hopes that one day we will be the only one left standing. But if a man is truly worth it and really “all about you”, then should you even be in this battle in the first place? I mean, come on… how long are we going to complain about our men being dogs when we are the ones constantly teaching them new tricks?
At some point ladies, we have to take responsibility; not only acknowledging that we are worthy, but realizing that, in the end, a man like that just isn’t worth it. There is nothing gratifying about knowing that the man you care about is out with another woman… sexing HER up, telling HER he loves her, taking HER around his friends because YOU are the ‘secret’. Now whether his TRUE feelings are for you OR for her; either way, you’re the one, as mentioned earlier, getting the short end of the stick.
Emotions are a funny and powerful thing but we should never let a man who is not willing to give us the best of him, get the best of us. If there is in fact another woman, or maybe you are the other woman, then that man is living two separate lives. In essence, you truly don’t know who he is as a whole because he only portrays one side of himself to you; that being the side that will keep you satisfied and with your mouth shut.
Ladies… it’s time that we realize the only way to obtain the type of love and respect that we ‘claim’ to demand is to not only stop ourselves from allowing men to break us down, but to also stop providing them with the space, time, and opportunity to do it; especially when the entire basis of the relationship was built on the lies that he initially told. Let the essence of that disrespect be enough to fuel the fire in you to let it go and leave him alone. Stop tearing down one another in effort to keep a man who has no want, nor desire to be kept, but to only control. Let’s start supporting each other as sisters because right now… they’re winning and we just look like a bunch of fools who do it to ourselves. It’s time that we not only reclaim our worth but own up to the responsibility, because in the end… it’s you who is responsible not for what they do, but for how long you allow them to do it to you.
By: Alicia Brathwaite