Honeymoon Phase: Make it Last

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Honeymoon Phase: Make it Last

Pessimist

“Honeymoon lasts not nowadays above a fortnight…” -SAMUEL RICHARDSON, Clarissa

“A honeymoon is a short period of doting between dating and debting…”- RAY BANDY, Little Giant Encyclopedia of Wedding

“Honeymoons don’t last forever…” -LAILA HALABY, West of the Jordan

Optimist

“Tom and I will always be in our honeymoon phase…”  -Katie Holmes

“It was just that we had this phenomenal honeymoon relationship that just kept on going…” -James Levine

Truth

“The honeymoon is over when she starts wondering what happened to the man she married, and he starts wondering what happened to the girl he didn’t.”

“The honeymoon is over when he phones he’ll be late again for dinner, and she has already left a note that it’s in the refrigerator.”

We have all been there.  We first meet someone and they seem like the one we have been waiting for.  They come into our lives when we least expect it.  Before we know it, it’s late night phone calls, all day texting and emailing back and forth.  The midday, “just wanted to say hi,” phone call brightens your day every time.  Your phone goes off and you instantly begin to smile when their name flashes across the screen.  You think about them all day because that is all you know how to do.  Things that usually would bother you; you couldn’t care less about because of how they make you feel.  When you begin to think about your future you see them in it and envision what life would be like it they were to remain a part of yours.  Lastly, there is that constant thought of him/her when you first wake up and right before you go to bed.  This is known to many as the “honeymoon phase.”

Why is it referred to as a phase? Why is it limited to a few months or a couple years? It is easy to say, “life happened and things got more difficult.”  That isn’t necessarily a wrong answer. The pressures and stresses of life do tend to consume us.  However, you never stopped living.  You were still dealing with life’s pressures and stresses when those butterflies were in your stomach in the beginning.  So what changed?  Relationships take work to succeed just like anything else in life.  But work can also be fun.  When we start to hit a rough patch in our relationships we begin to think about all the things that are wrong and why we’re not as happy as we used to be.  We start to nitpick at things that are not really there and amplify the smaller things that are.  We completely lose sight of the good times and all it took to get there.

Remember when you enjoyed cooking for him?  Now he comes home and there is fast food on the counter.  Remember when you would just call to hear her voice?  Now you avoid phone calls and just want to text.  There was a time when you would text her “good morning” before you got out of bed to brush your teeth.  Now you wait until you’re at work or worse, you wait for her to text you first.  Little things start to annoy you like their text response time.  They take longer to reply than before or he/she never calls anymore.   You have stopped working at your relationship and don’t even know it.  Or you are finding reasons to justify why things have changed without taking responsibility yourself.  What you don’t realize is that even the “honeymoon phase” took work while it was going on.  You both were putting forth an effort to keep things fresh, exciting and fun.   But you enjoyed working so much that you didn’t see it as such.  It is important to keep the fun and romance alive.  You have to look forward to waking up and going to work in your relationship.

It is also important not to make the mistake of saying “this person isn’t for me,” when the honeymoon phase starts to fade.  Look at why and how it is beginning to fade.  Look at what has changed and why it has changed.  The honeymoon phase fizzling out isn’t always a determinant in the relationship ending.  We love the honeymoon phase and want it forever.  But we’re not willing to work at it when it no longer comes easy to us.  The honeymoon phase may come at a time in your life when things are just hectic.  Maybe you just got a promotion at work, or the father of your children just recently left you to raise your kids alone.   The beauty of the beginning of the honeymoon phase is that we walk through it aimlessly.  Everything comes so easy and sometimes the presence of someone new actually helps us cope with the changes in our lives.  We start running on adrenaline and feelings.  Which helps because we are not letting life consume us, we’re just living.  It is when the adrenaline fades and we start to overthink everything.  Unfortunately this is around the same time that we start to take our significant other for granted.  That usually leads to wandering eyes and we search for that feeling again.

One of the bigger mistakes we make is when we open ourselves to the possibility of being with other people.  Sometimes this happens without us even realizing it and the next thing you know, we’re spending more time talking to our “friend” than our significant other.  We’re spending more time on social networks getting to know others more than we are enjoying the company of the one we are with.  The innocent lunch dates and phone conversations start to turn into innocent flirting.  Before you know it, you find yourself engaged in activity that is no longer innocent or harmless, but instead is detrimental to your relationship and you have opened Pandora’s Box.  All that time you’ve spent talking to someone else was time you could have been spending working on your own relationship.  You have given up on your honeymoon phase. Or perhaps, found said phase with someone else.

The honeymoon phase does not have to be a phase at all.  It can last as long as we want it to.   It is all in how we choose to approach our relationship.  Life will happen and it will affect our relationships. We can’t worry about the things we can’t control; but we can control how we react to the way life affects our relationships.  A positive and never say die attitude always helps.   I feel like we have been misled into believing that relationships don’t last 30, 40 and 50 years anymore.  The divorce rate is well over 50% and people are getting married for convenience and comfort.  What happens when discomfort renders it’s ugly head?  What happens when it’s no longer convenient?  When things get hard, it is the love, passion and understanding in our relationships that help us push through.  Things will not always be perfect; some days will be harder than others.  However, if the good days outweigh the bad and our happiest moments trump any of those sad moments; that is a great sign.  All the sad moments mean that you’re living life and how you handle life is totally up to you.

I firmly believe: What you put into life is what you’ll get back from life.  You need hard work and a positive attitude, life is no different than your relationship.  If you half ass your relationship and spend all of your time elsewhere, then you should expect your relationship to deteriorate.  This isn’t to say friends must cease to exist.  However, there should be a balance in place that allows you to live your life and your significant other not feel neglected.  It takes a concerted effort from both individuals involved to make a relationship work.  If both are willing and ready to enjoy going to work on their relationship each day, there is no reason you can’t make your “honeymoon phase” last forever.

By: C. Avant

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