Sex… Make or Break?

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Can sex make or break a relationship?  Would you leave your significant other if his/her sex game just wasn’t up to par or would you stay and try to figure out how to make your sex life better?  I’m sure this question haunts many of us.  Men in general aren’t necessarily fond of communicating and talking.  When it comes to sex we tend to feel we know it all and what we don’t know, many of us will pick up new things from porn.  But we almost never sit and talk to our women about what they like.  It’s an ego thing and we rather work off trial and error than ask.  That doesn’t apply to all men, but the majority.

Due to the lack of communication and the fact that we rather know sooner than later, the “test drive” has since been adopted.  When was the last time you decided to become exclusive with someone before actually having had sex with him/her first?  Truth is it has become a lost art in our society.  Women used to hold on to their 90 day rule, 5 date rule or “I love you” rule.  But then they realized that their friends weren’t even holding on to that ridiculousness and figured they couldn’t be judged so what the hell.  So what happens when you fall for someone and you’re so wrapped up in who they are as a person and everything falls right into place.  Finally, you decide to sleep with them and they fail the “test drive” like a pop quiz on a Monday morning.  Is that the deal breaker?  Is the sex really make or break?

I truly believe that chemistry cannot be faked or created.  It is either exists between two people or it doesn’t.  So when it comes to sex itself, if the two of you don’t have that chemistry prior to lying down together, it will not magically appear. It is not magic and will not abracadara its way into your bedroom.  So again I ask, what happens when the sex just isn’t what you expected?

First mistake we make is creating these crazy expectations in our minds as to what we think the sexual experience will be like.  You do realize regardless of how great it is, if it doesn’t quite meet your expectations you’ve set them up to fail.  Secondly, we try too hard to impress our partner the first time around.  Here’s some advice, just do you.  That way you’re at least displaying some sense of confidence.  Hard to be confident when you’re trying to do things out of character just to impress your mate.  If chemistry isn’t the problem and its more technique and lack of communication then the sex can be fixed almost instantaneously.  That is if your mate is open minded and doesn’t believe they know everything there is to know about sex and they’re receptive to your advice.

Every man or woman is different and it’s important that you get to know your partner and their body.  For the fellas this proves be a lot more difficult because you’re forced to figure women out on the fly.  But if you’re observant she’ll tell you everything you need to know if you just listen and watch closely.  The biggest mistake you can make is trying to sex every woman the same thinking “you’re the man.”  That will get you embarrassed and talked about while they’re sitting around sipping Moscato on a Saturday night.  Listen to your woman, observe her every move and touch and you’ll know just what it takes to satisfy her fully.

Bad sex should really only negatively affect your relationship if the chemistry is the issue, which in that case you’re probably better off being friends anyway.  But it should never break a relationship simply because he/she just doesn’t have a clue.  Now I’ll be the first to admit that I hate playing teacher and prefer the experienced lover myself.  But if you happen to be with someone who is a novice in sexual experience, you are now in a great position to mold them into the lover you want them to be.  That can prove to be pure genius and your sex life could reach places you never thought possible.

Now what about the bomb sex?  The sex that makes you forget about all the other things you don’t particularly like.  The sex that leaves you lying in bed not being able to move and thinking how to make everything else perfect because the sex is already all you want it to be.  Could or would you stay in a relationship that lack much of what you needed but the sex was great?  It’s a legit question to ask, especially with sex taking priority over so many other aspects of relationships. I’ve seen both men and women stay in a relationship that weren’t necessarily happy in all because the sex was great.  At what point is the sex no longer a determining factor in how successful your relationship is or isn’t?

With so much time in relationship being spent not having sex, why would sex even be at the top of the list?  To each it’s own and I’m not saying sex isn’t important.  Quite honestly I feel that it is.  But in no way, shape or form is it the most important aspect.  This is all subjective and what works for you may not work for others.  But you still have to figure out what does work for you and not settle for temporary happiness when your hormones are raging and sex is all you can think of.

In the end, sex is just as much mental as it is physical.  It takes communication, observation and an open-mind to really have an amazing sex life with your partner.  If you have all three of those, the physical aspect just flows with ease and her juices will follow suit.

-Cecil Avant

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